Mothers Day and Mother’s Choices

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Life is a Miracle

Mother’s day is supposed to be a day of Joy, Love and Passion…
And in a day of Much Joy and Celebration a huge population of women are forgotten or are having a day of Mother’s day blues.

There are many women who either: their child died, their child is missing, miscarried a baby, or due to various reasons couldn’t give birth to a child, due to either abuse, endometriosis, women who have had to have early hysterectomy’s etc…
And some women just never wanted to have children for various reasons.

This Post goes out to all of those women and more…

Whether You have given birth to a child or not… know that You have been a mother to someone – Human or Pet, and someone, somewhere is in deep gratitude for the role You have played in their life. Know that You are…

You are...

With Social Media, Media-TV, commercials, Magazines etc. People are Flooded with Happy Mother’s Day images and… with Social Media Platforms You have people writing on Your walls Happy Mother’s Day, whether You are a Mother or not – And… for some that can be hurtful and even very hard if one does not know what the person may or is going through in that very moment.

It took me Years to get over the sadness, pain, loss of having had an early hysterectomy at the age of 25 and every time I was invited to a baby shower or saw a baby I went thru waves of sadness. As I Loved children and even ran a pre-school I created called Learning, Playing and Growing, yet deep town with all of the surgeries and issues and one pregnancy termination due to medical issues the odds of being a mother in that way was for not.

Life is a Miracle

So why do I mention all of the above because, I thing society as a whole gets so caught up in the Media, advertising and selling they lose site of having empathy and compassion for others and what the actual word Mother or being a mother means to some.

A Huge example of this came to my attention yesterday when Angelina Jolie’s decision to get a double mastectomy brought massive criticism, being that she is under 40 and not having any current symptoms to suggest she had or would have breast cancer-so why would she remove two healthy breasts.

To the people that were criticizing I would say who are we to judge ?
-Unless You have watched a Close Loved one die from cancer as a Young child,Young adult or at any age for that matter. Watching close loved ones die from cancer is emotionally, physically and spiritually beyond draining and an emotional roller coaster ride. I used to work for Hospice as well as have had people close to me die, so I understand it well.
-Have the Breast Cancer Gene Mutation
-Currently Have Young Children or are currently married at the time of finding out You had the Breast Cancer Gene

Some would argue that she may never get it and just watch and monitor. Yes and I have seen people get mammograms every 3 months and then boom find out they had it and it had already advanced to stage 4 and was terminal.

We don’t know… There are so many variables, theories on cell mutation and even with someone who eats healthy, works out, it does not mean they may not get cancer. Furthermore… if You knew you had the gene would you want to live your live with the what if’s, and wonder when it might strike.

I would have to say that about any disease. I give Major Kudos to Public Figures that come forward with their triumphs and decisions over illness, the only difference between them and us is they are under constant scrutiny about ever aspect of their lives. Many people get cancer, have elective surgeries, the only difference is that when a celebrity says they are doing this or that the entire world knows.

So, I will take this back to Mothers, and the Bond a Mother feels for her children, that is something so strong, innate and as Angelina Jolie said she didn’t want her children to grow up with the fear they may lose their mother.

I would wish upon our society that we Allowed each and every person to make the medical choices or any choices in their life’s that they feel is right for themselves and or families.

If we all focused on Family values and what family meant, whether it was Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Xmas, Boxing day, would not matter… what would matter is the Love and Bond we have with one another because in the end whether we know it or not we are all interconnected.

Would Love to hear your thoughts.

Another Midnight Production Written by:

©2013 Carly Alyssa Thorne

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Written by Carly Alyssa Thorne

Carly Alyssa Thorne

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Carly Alyssa Thorne
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10 Responses to Mothers Day and Mother’s Choices

  1. Miriam Slozberg (@msmir) May 15, 2013 at 4:26 am #

    Excellent post Carly. I can only imagine how difficult Mothers Day and Fathers Day is for those who are in any of those positions that you had mentioned. No one has the right to judge her, and I think what she did was brave to talk about it so openly. I have seen the same kind of judgement towards couples who both carry a bad gene that they could pass onto their children, and who choose to conceive their kids through preimplantation genetic IVF.

    • Carly Alyssa Thorne May 15, 2013 at 6:04 am #

      Thank you Miriam, Yes I think it is an issue that isn’t spoken about often and does need some attention

  2. Mary-Margaret Walker May 15, 2013 at 5:38 am #

    Wow, Carly – Thanks so much for this. I had no idea. I’m still struggling with the anger and the grief. In the last three years we gave up on infertility, had the hysterectomy, I lost the Dad who was my primary care giver, I still have the “Mom” who can’t even tell me she loves me. And on top of all of that, it is most likely her smoking that caused my infertility and my sister’s complications with her son. Yes, I’m getting help, yes, I’m praying for peace in my heart and yes I’m doing what I can do. My husband and I are almost certified as Foster Parents. Like you I have been around children all my life, babysitting, nannying, etc.

    One of the biggest sorrows I had to overcome was remembering myself at each point in my life, dreaming about being a mom and having a family. It seems so sad to realize that at 7, 12, 17, 28, there was never a chance.

    I share your sadness and I share your insistence that all men and women can be parents in their own way. The first definition of a parent is: 1. One who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child; a father or mother. OR nurtures and raises a child. OR nurtures. You nurture the world with all that you do and no one is ever completely finished growing up. One of my best qualities is my empathy and my empathy comes from seeing the 5 year old in everyone I meet. I know almost instantly, to the core, their pain and their joy at the most basic level. When I have a chance to change someone’s life personally or professionally it is because they allowed me to nurture them.

    Thanks Carly! You are a blessing!

    • Carly Alyssa Thorne May 15, 2013 at 6:03 am #

      Thanks Mary Margaret and Yes… My Ex-husband and I went thru all of the fertility stuff after the one medical abortion, and yes the stress of fertility testing etc is crazy and then after many more issues and surgeries and almost deaths I only had One ovary left and then at that point was no longer eligible for IVF. We as a society need to start thinking beyond a Holiday and have love and empathy for all people as You never know what they are going thru. Love and blessings

  3. Nickie May 15, 2013 at 7:16 pm #

    I admire Angelina for making a personal choice, although not an easy one. To me that is real love for her children to endure this so she will be here for her children. That is strength and real love unconditionally. What she is about to go through is not in any way self absorbed, selfish or in any way an act for the media. That would be insane. It is her choice and always should be a personal choice. I also had to have an emergency hysterectomy at 40. I did have two children but I was hemmoraging and if I did not I would have bled to death. I wanted to be here for my two children. It was an easy choice however very painful for me emotionally and physically.
    I would like to see it changed from Mothers Day to a day we celebrate being a woman and special. Being a mother or not. Celebrate being women and our strengths. A support of ALL women. Being one is never easy but so rewarding.

    • Carly Alyssa Thorne May 15, 2013 at 9:42 pm #

      Absolutely Agree Nickie… Blessings to You and Your Family… Thanks for sharing Your Story

  4. Carmen Perez May 16, 2013 at 11:10 am #

    Hi Carly, Thank you for sharing your story and reminding us of the blessing of parenthood. Xx

  5. Petri Päätalo May 16, 2013 at 6:14 pm #

    Well written, personal and very touching story. Thanks for posting this Carly!

    • Carly Alyssa Thorne May 16, 2013 at 9:19 pm #

      Thanks Petri, I think we as a culture learn from us sharing of our stories

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